Encouraged yet Discouraged

Yesterday on Facebook I posted as my status "is it possible to be encouraged yet discouraged?" I never really got a solid response, but after much consideration i realized that it was quite possible to be both at the same time. Let me explain:

I logged into facebook yesterday afternoon and saw three very exciting status updates and one very exciting message. Three of my friends (two of them are also my teammates for Senegal, and one is a friend heading to Sweden) had on their statuses that they had made a huge jump in support! My friend heading to Sweden actually finished and got a leave date (which is set for this coming Friday, so be praying for her!) which was super exciting. Two of my teammates had made huge jumps in support, one to 90% and another to over 70%. I also had a message from a teammate who had made a huge jump in support to over 90%. Super encouraging, right? Right! I could see that God was working for them. I came away from reading all of that super encouraged by how God was working in their lives and in their support.

But I also came away very discouraged.

I am sitting at around 40%, very far off from my goal, and very far off from where my other teammates are at. We still do not have an official leave date, but we expect it to be around October 1, which is just a few short weeks away. I just got this very discouraged feeling that maybe I am not going to get all the support that I need to go. I never understood how difficult it woudl be to raise support. I hate asking people for money, and I hate talking on the phone, and so calling people to ask for money is so difficult for me.

But anways, so right now I am feeling very discouraged and encouraged at the same time.

Please be praying for encouragement, and please be praying for support.

Again, if you would like to donate visit: https://give.ccci.org/give/View/0618324

or make checks payable to Campus Crusade for Christ and mail them to:

Kristen Moorefield

400 Dorse Road

Lewisville, NC 27023

my plans are not always His plans...

So much can change in just a week. Last weekend I heard rumors for the first time that my Russian team may not be able to go to Russia. On Monday this was confirmed, that due to some circumstances with one of my teammates our entire team was being pulled. I was really sad about this at first, and questioning why God would call me to do this if he knew all along that we wouldn't be going. I started praying, wondering what I was going to do now. Two of my teammates were really wanting to switch to the Senegal team, but I was going, Senegal... Africa? No way. But I prayed about it and talked to my director about it and he said if I felt like God was still calling me to go overseas next year that Senegal was really where the greatest need was. They only had 3 guys going to Senegal, and they were really praying for some girls to join the team. I had thought about waiting a year, but I realized this wasn't practical as far as starting a career and putting my life on hold for another year waiting to go. And the more I prayed the more I felt like God was calling me to go overseas next year. He made it very clear to me that even though I love Russia, that I wasn't going because it was Russia, I was going because there were people that need to hear about my Savior, Jesus Christ. And i realized that there were people everywhere that needed to hear about Him. So I said yes. I said I would go to Senegal. Now I realize some of you may be going... Senegal? That is the furthest from Russia as you could possibly get, but I am trusting God that this is his plan for me and he is going to use this to stretch me and trust him even more. I am still wrapping my head around the switch, but I am getting so excited as i keep meeting people and talking to people about going and finding out that they have been there! I feel like now, more than ever, that this is where God wants me next year.

So what now? Now the support raising begins again. I have new support goals, which are, gulp, more than Russia. But, because the Senegalese school year starts later than ours I don't leave until sometime in the first of October. Please keep me in your prayers as I am dealing with everything relating to switching and raising the rest of my support. Based on the new support goals I have about 25% of what I need. If you have questions please don't hesitate to give me a call (336) 407-6062 or email me... klmoore2@gmail.com

What Lies Ahead

Life's decisions are never easy...

As most of you know I had plans to return to Russia in August, and still hope that those plans will happen, but I only have about 17% of the amount of money I need raised. I have gotten really discouraged lately as people continue to tell me no, they can't support me. I am starting to question whether or not this really is what God has called me to do next year. I have really felt like this was his calling, yet I am far from having the money I need to go. On top of that, the rest of my team is struggling for funds, and our entire team could be forced to stay back if not enough of us get our support raised.
I have also recently found a great new group of friends that I would like to get to know better. I am finding a reason to stay in the US, and finding myself wanting to stay here a little bit longer.
But I am struggling to figure out what I would do if I do not go. I need a job, and I really don't want to live with my parents any longer than I have too. So I really don't know what to do. I will know for sure whether or not I am going in just a few weeks. But if you are reading this, please be praying for direction in my life, and that God would remove my desires and reveal himself to me.

RUSSIA!!

Want to keep updated on my next adventure to Russia??? I am continually updating as things are happening on my other blog. Check it out if you are interested!!

www.freewebs.com/livinginrussia

Enjoy!

simple lyrics. powerful words.

"Love Never Fails" Brandon Heath

Love is not proud
Love does not boast
Love after all
Matters the most

Love does not run
Love does not hide
Love does not keep
Locked inside

Love is the river that flows through
Love never fails you

Love will sustain
Love will provide
Love will not cease
At the end of time

Love will protect
Love always hopes
Love still believes
When you don’t

Love is the arms that are holding you
Love never fails you

When my heart won’t make a sound
When I can’t turn back around
When the sky is falling down
Nothing is greater than this
Greater than this

Love is right here
Love is alive
Love is the way
The truth the life

Love is the river than flows through
Love is the arms that are holding you
Love is the place you will fly to
Love never fails you

girls and apples

Girls are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

realizing the mission

Ever wonder how God works? I do, all the time. I look at my life and think I am finally at the place where God has been leading me to all this time. I am finally getting ready to serve Him wholeheartedly for a year of my life. It feels like my life has purpose for the first time in a long time. Yet then reality sets in. I have a lot of money I have to raise, and paperwork, and memorization, and I suddenly feel completely inadequate to do what He has called me to. I heard a quote from a Crusade staff leader when I was in Moscow last December and it has stuck with me ever since then.
"Until we see that we are called to do the impossible, we are completely inadequate to do it"
I feel like what He has called me to do is impossible... raise all this money, actually be able to show Russian students His love? Who am I kidding, I am not prepared to do this at all. Yet I realize that it is in my inadequacies that He is working. God can do the impossible, even reach students through me, if I just devote myself to Him and let Him work through me. I am called to do the impossible, there are 1.1 million students in Moscow, and I have to raise tens of thousands of dollars to do it, yet I know that because I know I am called to do the impossible, and am suddenly equipped to do it. Praise God.

Finding my place.

For anyone who has ever spent an extended period of time overseas, they know what it is like to come home. Your life has moved on around you... without you. And nobody seems to want to really know what it was like for you. It is never easy, but you always seem to find your place again. I guess my circumstances are a bit different, or maybe its just me, but I am having a hard time finding my place again. Most people come home to the place they left, back to school and classes, or work, or whatever. Its a little different with me. I came, but back to my parents house, back to Lewisville, a place I haven't really called home in over four years. Sure, I lived here during the summers, but its different then. I'm not living in Greensboro, where my life has been for the last four years. I have also, for all intensive purposes, graduated from college. Yet I am not out finding a job, or working like a typical graduate would, because I am leaving again in August (hopefully) to go back to Russia.

I am finding myself in this... hole. Im not quite in the work force, yet not in college, I'm not close to many people in Lewisville, and my friends in Greensboro are going on with their lives, without me. I don't feel like I really fit anywhere. And nobody around me understands what I have been through. I've had the same problem at church. I don't really belong in the college class, yet I don't think I belong in the singles class. It seems like I am on the outskirts of everything, not really finding my place right now.

I see myself compartmentalizing my life. Putting everything in neat little boxes so that nothing overlaps, and so that I can live in the present and not miss what is behind me. I have only been home for a little over two months, yet I can barely remember some of the things that happened in Kazan. It feels like it is years behind me, not months. I find myself asking, how can I integrate my lives? My life overseas with my life in Greensboro, with my life at home, with my life at Church. It seems like in each compartment the people there only know that side of me, I haven't opened up myself wholy to anyone, and that is what is so difficult to do. I come to find myself longing for the internship to start just so I would feel like I finally fit somewhere, I could devote my self wholly to the internship, and not have to worry about sections of my life overlapping, like I have to now. It is one of the most difficult times in my life to date.

The only real comfort I find in all of this is that this is God's plan for me right now, and in that I can find comfort.

"Somewhere between the hot and the cold
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You're by my side
Loving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle"
-Casting Crowns, "Somewhere in the Middle"